This week Blackberry sent a statement to their customers to assure them that everything was going to be okay. However the message ended with "sent from my iPhone".
Cinemax announced the end of its After Dark programming block, better known as "Skinemax". The erotic themed shows will be missed by anyone who can't find the internet.
The state of Florida is asking for help in locating two former prison inmates that they realized should still be current inmates. So that narrows down the search to pretty much everyone in Florida.
A clerk was fired from a New Hampshire gas station for pulling out a gun to stop a robbery. The company says it's just enforcing its policy that "the criminal is always right".
A new study claims that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. Though experts say Oreos are still less likely to lead to hookers.
After the government shutdown ended, Joe Biden welcomed back employees by giving them muffins. All while singing, "Do you know the muffin man / The muffin man, the muffin man / Do you know the muffin man, / Who lives in--wait, where are we?"
A proposed new law in Denver will make the smell of marijuana illegal. And if passed, the law would be enforced by Denver police and your parents.
During a visit to a Washington DC food bank, President Obama was seen struggling to properly seal a ziplock bag. Though officials say he was just showing off his impression of Joe Biden.
Ke$ha's upcoming tour of Australia has been canceled. Fans who bought tickets can return to the point of purchase to receive a refund or herpes.
Anthony Weiner said in an interview that if the internet didn't exist he'd be the mayor of New York. "Sure, blame the internet," said his penis.
This week the Texas Motor Speedway began serving a beer milkshake that is infused with bacon. And for an extra fee, they'll give you the suicide note.
A movie theater with a strict no-texting policy has banned Madonna after she was caught using her Blackberry. But Madonna argued that since it was a Blackberry, she wasn't actually able to send texts.
Nicki Minaj has unveiled a clothing line for K-Mart. It's perfect for the person who wants to express their trashy fashion sense in two ways at once.
It's rumored that Apple may release a phone/tablet hybrid. And it's expected that the only way to afford one will be with a hybrid of a paycheck & savings bond.
It's been reported that major airlines will squeeze more passengers onto flights by switching to thinner seats. Which is great news for the kid kicking the back of your seat.
New York Congressman Michael Grimm was caught spending 17 minutes inside a bar bathroom with a female companion. It marks the shortest amount of time a congressman has used to actually get something done.
A mall in Florida was shut down after a man scattered his late fiance's ashes at a LensCrafters. Mall officials then ordered the man to collect the ashes and have the urn monogrammed at Things Remembered.
The CEO of Carl's Jr. has come out against Obamacare. He says the real affordable care America deserves is a Double Western Bacon Burger.
Hans Riegel, the creator of Gummy Bears, died this week at the age of 90. His last wish was to have his coffin carried not by Pall-bearers, but by Gummy bearers.
A Federal Air Marshal has been caught taking photos up women's skirts during the boarding of a flight. The TSA apologized while maintaining that its employees are trained to notify passengers before invading their privacy.
A proposed new law in Denver will make the smell of marijuana illegal. After hearing this, New York City has proposed a similar ban on the smell of urine.
A new study shows that eating bacon can lower a man's chances of getting a woman pregnant. Which explains the new slogan "Pork: the other white condom".
It came out this week that former President George W Bush's blocked artery was 95 percent clogged. But on the bright side, 95 percent is the highest Bush has ever scored on anything.
According to a new poll, Chris Christie is more popular than Bruce Springsteen in New Jersey. Though Christie is still less popular in every other kind of jersey.
Despite the government shutdown, the Grand Canyon has re-opened this week thanks to state funding. And all non-essential wildlife have been ordered to report back to work.
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