Saturday, August 30, 2014

topical jokes not nominated for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

This week, a wanted man in Omaha, Nebraska, was found and captured by police after posting his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge video on Facebook. The man says his biggest mistake was nominating the town sheriff.
Next month, Apple will release a new Smartwatch. You can tell it's an Apple watch, because instead of using an hour hand and a second hand, they used tiny Chinese hands.
Burger King is in talks to buy a chain of donut shops. But regulators are expected to reject the deal, because it'd create a monopoly on diabetes.
Sarah Silverman made headlines for bringing pot to the Emmys. And when asked who she was wearing, she couldn't remember.
Mitt Romney said in a radio interview that right now, he's not running for president in 2016, but that "circumstances can change". The main circumstance being whether Republicans decide to press Mitt Romney's reset button.
Sunday's Earthquake in Napa Valley reportedly caused severe damage to several wineries. The county has been declared a disaster area by Kathy Lee and Hoda.
The Obama family has returned to the White House after a two-week vacation on Martha's Vineyard. Which explains why Joe Biden was seen deflating the bounce house he'd set up in the oval office.
According to Adam Levine, the new Maroon 5 album is taking the band back to where they started. And according to the rest of the band, the album is taking them back to where they haven't been in a while--a bank.
After suffering from a recent drop in sales, Abercrombie and Fitch is removing its name from its clothing. Experts believe the next step for Abercrombie will be removing its stench from shopping malls.