I've recently submitted the following not-real news headlines as part of an application for a workshop run by The Onion. I figured instead of letting it die in the hands of a workshop gatekeeper I'd let it die on the internet!
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| Apple Unveils Suite of New Products that Your Parents Will Need Help Setting Up |
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| City’s New Bike Share Program Hailed as Great Service for Those With Absolutely No Other Options |
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| Actual Flock of Seagulls Tired of Being Confused for 80’s New Wave Band |
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| Woman Spends 20 Minutes Selecting Nephew's Birthday Card That Won’t Even Have Check In It |
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| President Trump Visits Casket of Ruth Bader Ginsburg to Get Paid His Respects |
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| Coworker’s Vacation Story Overheard for Third Time This Morning |
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| Grubhub Driver Somehow Has Nice Car |
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| Man’s Best Friend Abandons Man for Discarded Chicken Wing |
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| Man Working from Home Has Trouble Adjusting to Lunch Not Being Stolen Out of Refrigerator By Coworkers |
Additional Headlines:
CEO Reports That Newborn Daughter Has Outperformed Q1 Growth Forecast
Man Credits Diet, Exercise For Slightly Less Embarrassing Physique
Despite Owning Several Instruments That Precisely Measure Passage of Time, Man Still Can’t Believe It Already Friday
Refugee In Line for U.S. Immigration Considers Hopping Into Shorter Line for Different Country
Man Yearns for Time When He Can Have Filthy Hands Again
Deteriorating U.S. Air Quality & Human Rights Sorta Reminds Refugee Seeking Better Life of Country She Escaped
Child’s Lemonade Stand Secures Pee Pee Pee Loan
Freak Puppy Mill Accident Results in Goldendoodle Suffocated by Hugs
Hurricane Sally Tired of Being Compared to Older Storms
Man’s Kombucha Has Just Enough Alcohol to Make Him Feel Irrationally Confident
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