Joke'd in Burbank

Last night I told some book themed jokes at Book'd In Burbank.

A conservative group, Morality in Media, named Barnes and Noble as a top facilitator of porn.
Which probably explains why most people only go there to use the bathroom.

And to be fair, any place with a free wifi connection is a facilitator of porn.

An Estonian man has returned a book 69 years late, blaming a World War II bombing that damaged the library for the late return.

Even stranger, the book was Bullshitting Librarians For Dummies.

DC Comics has introduced a new lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual friendly character. It’s a superhero, named The Incredible HUH?!

Japan has created what it's claiming to be the smallest book ever printed.
Which means they don’t know about an even smaller book I've printed, called "Things I Understand About Women".
The cover of the book is a 1:1 scale drawing of my penis.

In honor of the two-hundredth anniversary of “Pride and Prejudice,” scenes from Jane Austen’s novels are being commemorated as stamps.
So congratulations, Post Office, on giving up.

It's all part of the Post Office's plan to make themselves even more irrelevant.

Research by English scholars allege that Shakespeare was prosecuted for tax evasion and hoarding grain.
I'd tell you more, but since it's Shakespeare, I only read the Cliffs Notes.

A young Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban is getting $3 million to publish a memoir. It’s the largest advance for a book based on head trauma since Snooki’s memoir.

The publication of Jane Goodall's new book has been delayed after it was discovered that parts were lifted from online sources.
On the bright side, there’s free excerpts of Jane Goodall’s new book on Wikipedia.

Profits at Random House have gone up 75% because of sales for Fifty Shades of Grey.

Also up because of Fifty Shades of Grey: readers’ nipples.

Twilight author Stephenie Meyer says she hasn't read Fifty Shades of Grey because it's "too smutty".

Way to have standards, writer who’s rich from hot vampires. 

The official AP Stylebook announced that it will no longer condone use of the term "illegal" to describe a human being.
So now it’s more offensive to call someone “illegal” than it is “Kardashian”.

According to sources, Honolulu and Chicago are vying to be the site of Barack Obama's Presidential Library.

While the only site bidding to become Joe Biden’s Library is a Delaware Chuck E Cheese.

It's national poetry month. This summer a British poet plans to walk 260 miles along England's coast to trade readings of his poetry for food and shelter.

It’s part of a lifetime quest to disappoint his parents.