topical monologue jokes

The U.S. has issued a warning to airlines traveling to the Olympics about toothpaste tubes that may contain bombs. While England has issued a warning to airlines about toothpaste tubes that may contain toothpaste.

CVS announced that it will stop selling cigarettes by October. Though experts expect this just means CVS will start bumming smokes from Rite Aid.

The annual Gathering of the Juggalos, which was held in Illinois for the past 6 years, will be held in Missouri this year. Also moving locations: the annual gathering of the police with tear gas.

George Zimmerman will fight rapper DMX in a celebrity boxing match. Zimmerman says instead of jumping rope, he'll train by jumping black teens.

Leonardo DiCaprio told the "Los Angeles Times" that he's never done drugs. Mostly because drugs is not a supermodel.

A new study shows that Americans check their Facebook more than they read the bible. Which may explain why most of Americans' time on Facebook is spent coveting their neighbor's wife.

James Franco is opening an acting school. The first assignment for students will be to study James Franco hosting the Oscars and then do the opposite.