Sunday, February 23, 2014

topical monologue jokes not making a cameo on The Tonight Show w/Jimmy Fallon


According to the head of HBO, President Obama asked for advance episodes of “True Detective” and “Game of Thrones.” And according to the head of PBS, Vice President Biden asked for advance episodes of "Sesame Street".

The governor of Colorado has released a plan to spend 99 million dollars the state has gotten in tax money from legal sales of marijuana. The plan includes beautifying public spaces with lava lamps and blacklight posters.

Michele Bachmann says that that Americans aren't ready for a female president. While Americans say that Michele Bachmann isn't ready for a straight husband.

A company in Oregon is selling an Edward Snowden action figure. The toy is not suitable for Congressmen under 88 years old.

A new study claims that extreme loneliness can have a worse impact on your health than obesity. In other words, you're better off spooning peanut butter instead of your pillow.

This year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition will feature supermodel Kate Upton posing in zero gravity. So now you have no chance on Earth or off Earth with her.
 
VH1 is launching a new show called "Naked Dating". They say their target audience is people without real porn.
 
America may soon be facing a national shortage of clowns. But on the bright side, there'd also be a national shortage of clown nightmares.

America may soon be facing a national shortage of clowns. But on the bright side, clowns might finally be able to fit comfortably in cars.

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