Monday, March 9, 2015

Topical monologue jokes that should be run over by Suge Knight

 
Designers have developed a fabric that makes celebrities appear invisible to paparazzi. The fabric is made entirely from Pauly Shore's wardrobe.

Kanye West tweeted that the title of his new album is "So Help Me God". West says he came up with the name after overhearing his daughter.

Researchers in Australia have discovered two new species of peacock spiders. The discovery was made when one researcher heard another researcher scream like a little girl.

Pop star Justin Bieber is begging Seth Rogen to roast him in the upcoming Comedy Central special. Though sources say the only way Rogen would roast Bieber is if he was packed into a bong.

A new study published about average penis size was based on over 15,000 measurements. The study was conducted by your ex-girlfriend the week after she dumped you.

Scientists say newly identified compounds in spider venom could help treat chronic pain. The way it works is all pain leaves the body after you've died from a spider bite.

AOL has produced a new half-hour reality show called “Connected." AOL says the show will be released exclusively on a cd-rom that you've thrown in the trash.

In "Sharknado 3", the Vice President of the United States will be played by Ann Coulter. And in an event bigger casting stunt, the President of the United States will be played by Joe Biden.

A construction worker is suing Michael Bay for getting hurt while working on his mansion. Though Bay says he gave fair warning that his home is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence.

Canadian "Star Trek" fans are honoring Leonard Nimoy by sketching Spock on their five dollar bills. And to honor themselves, "Star Trek" fans are sketching women who can't run away.

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