5 Topical Monologue Jokes That Won't Make the Final Four

 

In a new movie directed by Ryan Gosling, Christina Hendricks plays a woman who loses her face. It marks the first time a woman has had to say, "Excuse me, but my eyes were up here."

McDonald's is launching a new line of lifestyle clothing. The line consists entirely of dirty sweatpants.

Charlie Sheen criticized President Obama for filling out an NCAA bracket because he says it's a waste of Obama's time. Joe Biden agreed, saying Obama could've used the time to help him build a pillow fort.

The Mayor of Chicago is floating the idea of renaming one of the city's airports after President Obama. He's also considering renaming one of the city's garbage dumps after Joe Biden.

Steve Nash has retired from the Los Angeles Lakers after not playing in one game this entire season. Which means he's also expected to be named the Lakers' MVP.