Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Two Week Vegan Challenge - Day 1

12:05AM - Well, I'm an entire five minutes into the challenge and so far I haven't had a single craving for pizza, carne asada, or buffalo wings. This vegan thing is going to be easier than I thought.

7:30AM - Didn't sleep well or much. My body must be confused by 7.5 hours of no delicious animal products. Not eating breakfast because I don't feel hungry. Also, if you can't have chorizo breakfast burritos, what the fuck do vegans eat in the morning? Need to research this.

8:05AM - My friend has picked me up for a hike.

8:20AM - He's listened to me ramble about my new diet for the entirety of the drive. Guess this makes me an official vegan.

9:00AM - Started hiking with a group of friends and the first order of business is making plans to get lunch at a vegan-friendly restaurant when we've finished. Didn't take long for me to become a high-maintenance pain-in-the-ass.

11:45AM - Scanning the menu at this "vegan-friendly" restaurant and everything sounds delicious, but none of the items are actually vegan. Fortunately one of the others in our group is a long-time vegan, so the group acquiesces to our request to head elsewhere.

12:00PM - Walked down the road to Veggie Grill, an all-vegan restaurant. I've ordered a buffalo "chicken" salad; the "chicken" is actually plant-based. It's my first time seeing menu items placed in scare quotes, which are meant express irony. I'm genuinely concerned that mixing lunch with irony, or any other literary device, will destroy my love for all things buffalo, forever. And that's not hyperbole.

12:15PM - The buffalo "chicken" salad has arrived and it's "delicious". Kidding. It is actually quite good. The texture and taste are remarkably similar to real buffalo chicken. I'd like to do a blind taste test sometime. Finishing my meal with a vegan chocolate chip and walnut cookie. Good stuff.

3:30PM - Snacking on some vegan hummus and crackers. If the buffalo "chicken" was plant-based, these "crackers" taste like they're balsa-wood based. Yuck.

9:00PM - I'm at a comedy show in what feels like the hallway of a college dorm, if the dorm was full of sad, socially awkward men in their thirties. One of the side rooms has a makeshift bar, replete with beer, wine, and spirits. Beer and wine don't typically pass the vegan test, but spirits do! I ask for  vodka, but the only mixer is a Monster energy drink. Now I'm frantically Googling "Monster energy drink vegan?". Turns out no Monsters were harmed in the making of the energy drink, so I can mix it with my vodka.

11:50PM - I wouldn't say I've forgotten to eat dinner, as much as I wasn't interested or hungry. Will give it a shot tomorrow. Until then...

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