Saturday, July 18, 2015

The Two Week Vegan Challenge


For the next two weeks I'll be giving up all of my favorite foods to eat a strictly vegan diet. This isn't an effort to raise awareness for animal cruelty or to lose weight or to be even more attention-seeking than usual -- I merely want to test my discipline.

I've always believed that vegans choose their lifestyle not because they like saving animals, but because they like being difficult. And morphing into a stereotypical vegan pain-in-the-ass is my biggest fear. I usually pride myself on eating whatever, whenever, however without making a fuss. For the sake of the challenge, I'm fortunate to live in Santa Monica, which is like the Disneyland of veganism, if Mickey and Minnie Mouse were smug and high-maintenance.

You can follow along as I keep a running diary of this challenge. And feel free to offer your support, advice, recipes, insults, etc.


7:50PM - Just endured a brutal Friday night open mic. Time to walk to Chick fil-A to eat my feelings. Only a few hours until midnight, which is when the challenge officially begins and I turn into a pumpkin. Or a person who only eats pumpkin. Anyhow, need to get in a last bite

7:55PM - (1) Chick fil-A spicy sandwich and (8) nuggets is what I'd request as my last supper were I on death row. Do you know what vegans on death row typically request as their last meal? Trick question! Vegans have never been on death row because they can only be imprisoned in a metaphorical cell of their own joyless dietary restrictions. I'm eating by myself, which I assume will be a common theme for the next two weeks. 

8:20PM - I've entered a Whole Foods to stockpile vegan food. That's where vegans shop, right? What do vegans eat? God, I should've done more research. The challenge hasn't even started and I'm already the guy scanning the nutrition labels on hummus containers to find one that's vegan approved.

8:45PM - Well, I just spent $47 on a small bag of groceries that I'm probably going to hate.

9:05PM - I barely ever get McDonald's milkshakes, but fuck it -- going to take advantage while I still have time. And this Strawberry shake tastes extra good because I know it's going to be at least two weeks before I can indulge again.

11:59PM - This is like the New Year's Eve countdown, except I'm by myself and dreading tomorrow. Wait nevermind, this is exactly like the New Year's Eve countdown...

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