Topical monologue jokes more lifeless than The Walking Dead

On Monday, Pizza Hut introduced "pizza sliders", which are even smaller than its personal pies. It's part of the company's plan to give consumers what they want: less Pizza Hut pizza.

A new poll revealed that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is the most popular U.S. politician. The survey was conducted among a random sampling of 1000 people not named Bill Clinton.

An Ohio man was sentenced to prison time after ordering hair cutting “attacks” that a judge ruled as hate crimes. The conviction also means the man has been named Fantastic Sams Employee of the Month.

An annual study of national driving patterns shows that in 2011 Americans spent 5.5 billion hours stuck in traffic. However the good news is Americans used the time to practice what they do best: sitting.

CBS warned performers to not wear clothing that's too revealing at the Grammy Awards. More specifically, they've asked Chris Brown to wear a turtleneck. 

Following the Baltimore Ravens' Super Bowl victory, MVP Joe Flacco dropped the F-bomb on live TV. To be fair, it's the same reaction all guys when hearing they have to take their family to Disneyland.

Home Depot said it will hire 10,000 additional seasonal workers for the spring. Unfortunately you still won't be able to find any Home Depot workers to actually help you.

The Kansas Supreme Court ruled that exotic dancers at a strip club have the right to collect unemployment insurance as employees and not independent contractors. The court also ruled that the insurance claims must still be paid out in singles.

Air Asia is offering a child-free seating zone on some of its flights. Air Asia says this will allow travelers to avoid being disturbed by the noise of children building iPads.

Gov. Chris Christie has lashed out at a former White House doctor who said she worries about him dying in office because he is so heavy, telling her to "shut up." The doctor says it was rude for Christie to say such things with his mouth full.

An autism-friendly performance of Broadway's "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" will be staged this spring. However there's still no plan to produce a version that's safe for the general public.

In an Arizona town, actor Steven Seagal was hired to train a volunteer posse through a simulated school shooting. The training consisted of thwarting an attack by using body doubles.