Jokes that weren't audited by the IRS

China announced it will no longer buy recycled trash from the U.S. The news comes a big financial blow to will.i.am.

A new movie about Hillary Clinton will include scenes dealing with her sex life with Bill. In other words, the movie will feature several intermissions.

Angelina Jolie had preventative surgery to reduce her chances of developing breast cancer from 87% to below 5%. Though her chances of developing another third world child remain at 100%.

An Arizona State student who passed out from drinking was left in a hospital lobby with a Post-it note to tell doctors that he took part in a drinking competition. Officials say they know the man's friends were also really drunk because the Post-it note was stuck to him with a staple.

An Arizona State student who passed out from drinking was left in a hospital lobby with a Post-it note to tell doctors that he took part in a drinking competition. Doctors described the note as being so illegible that they mistook it for being written by a doctor.

Burger King is coming out with a rib sandwich that is virtually identical to the McRib from McDonalds. People are calling Burger King's McRib imitation the sincerest form of diarrhea.

During Angelina Jolie's preventative medical procedures, she reportedly used a series of disguises, wigs, and aliases to hide her real identity. Which means she prepared for the ordeal by watching herself in the movie "Salt".

NASA is asking the public to submit haikus to ride aboard its Maven orbiter to Mars. It's all part of their effort to put poems in the only place lonelier than the poets' bedrooms.

A man trying to dribble a soccer ball from Seattle to Brazil was hit and killed by a truck on an Oregon road. Which means the man's soccer career ended the same way it started: dribbling around orange cones.


New York City mayoral candidate Christine Quinn has revealed that she used to struggle with bulimia. So now her only struggle is trying not vomit from the stench of New York City.

Sony has unveiled the Xperia ZR, a waterproof smartphone. Meanwhile the makers of Blackberry are still waiting to unveil their first smartphone that's landproof.

On Thursday David Beckham announced that he will retire from soccer at the end of the season. Beckham says he looks forward to spending more time with just his underwear.

Prince Harry visited the Jersey Shore to see the destruction caused by Superstorm Sandy. Harry described the scene as looking almost as crazy as his last hotel room.

Apps for Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr have been released for Google Glass. It's being hailed as a state of the art way to connect with friends without having to actually look at them.

A recent study has found that DNA is 98% useless junk. As proof, scientists cited Kim Kardashian's pregnancy.

German officials say Justin Bieber will have to pay the bill for the two-month stay of his pet monkey seized by German customs. Experts estimate the bill will be completely bananas.