Topical Monologue Jokes Less Likely To Be Found Than A Black Box

According to new research, vegetarians are less healthy than meat-eaters. Because they're more likely to be injured from patting themselves on the back.

He's never Putin on a shirt

McDonald's says it's leaving Crimea due to reasons beyond its control. While Vladimir Putin says he's leaving McDonald's due to its policy of "No shoes, no shirt, no service."

A recent back surgery has forced Tiger Woods to pull out of the Masters. Though experts believe it won't keep Tiger from pulling out of cocktail waitresses.

According to a new study, the Internet is a big reason why more Americans are losing their religion. So to win people back, religious leaders have promised that heaven now has free wifi.

Frankie Knuckles, one of the inventors of house music, died Monday at 59. DJs everywhere were asked to honor Knuckles by not holding a single moment of silence.

On Wednesday the Supreme Court lifted limits on individual campaign contributions in federal elections. So instead of being the "Leader of the Free World", the next U.S. President will be nicknamed "Warren Buffet's bitch."

James Franco allegedly asked an underage teenage girl to meet up with him at a hotel. Though in his defense, she probably looked legal if you squint hard enough as James Franco.

OkCupid is encouraging users to avoid Mozilla Firefox due to anti-gay contributions by the company's CEO. Though Firefox users might've suspected the company was run by a homophobe when their browser didn't recognize same-sex plugins.

GrubHub, the Chicago-based online food ordering company, raised $193 million in its first day on the stock market. However those who bought shares say that Grubhub forgot to include utensils.

Donald Trump said he's talked to investors about buying the Buffalo Bills. He's also talked to investors about building Buffalo's first more-than-one-star hotel.

According to a website for people looking to cheat, the city with the most people wanting to commit adultery is Chicago. More specifically, people in Chicago are looking to cheat on their spouse with a hot Italian beef sandwich.

According to a website for people looking to cheat, the city with the most people wanting to commit adultery is Chicago. More specifically, the people in Chicago looking to cheat are Cubs fans looking for a new team.

A new study shows that zebras evolved stripes to ward off flies. While humans evolved stripes to ward off looking fat.