Monday, June 1, 2015

Topical Monologue Jokes with Less Integrity than FIFA

 
United Airlines is facing protests after refusing to give a Muslim woman an unopened can of Diet Coke over alleged fears she'd use it as a weapon. United should've known that the only way to harm someone with soda is to make them drink it until they have diabetes.

Justin Bieber posted on Instagram that he's not religious. Though he said he does believe in spirits, like whiskey, vodka, and tequila.
 

Researchers are using a version of the herpes virus to fight the deadliest form of skin cancer. So skin cancer is like people: it loses any interest being with someone after seeing mouth sores.
 
Lamborghini is introducing an SUV called the “Urus”. Which is Italian for “impossibly tiny penis”.

 
An elderly couple in Illinois now has 100 grandkids. It's so many grandkids, they've had to buy a second refrigerator just to fit all of the pictures.

A new study says a healthy diet can protect you against hearing loss. Which means a poor diet can protect you against hearing why you should eat kale.

The White House photographer said Michelle Obama is the “Hugger-in-Chief”. Which was the title originally given to Bill Clinton by female interns.


The curriculum used by the Duggars to home school their kids states that semen causes cancer. While the curriculum used by real teachers states that semen causes too many Duggars.

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