Scientists at Arizona State University are developing a jet pack that can help soldiers run a four-minute mile or students make a ten second beer run.
A man tried to throw a football filled with drugs into a state prison yard. In other words, the Baltimore Ravens have a new starting quarterback.
The UN chief has named Leonardo DiCaprio the UN Messenger of Peace to promote action on climate change. Because for years DiCaprio has been responsible for the climate change inside women's panties.
A man running for office in New Jersey dropped out of the race after reports surfaced that he shouted racial slurs in a diner while mooning patrons. But on the bright side, he's now eligible to become an NBA owner.
Radisson Hotel is suspending its sponsorship of the Minnesota Vikings, saying they're concerned about the recent controversies. Though it's not all bad news for the Vikings, as they've picked up the sponsorship of the Minnesota State Prison.
Apple reported they got 4 million iPhone 6 orders on the first day. And on the second day they got 4 million orders for the iPhone 7.
During a concert in Australia, Kanye West told a person in a wheelchair to stand up. To be fair, this would actually be easier than getting Kanye West to shut up.
Martha Stewart says that Gwyneth Paltrow needs to be quiet and stop "trying to be Martha Stewart". Though she says she'd be ok with Paltrow trying to be the Martha Stewart who was locked in prison.
VH1 has renewed "Dating Naked" for a second season. Producers say in season two viewers can expect to see even more pixelation.
The FBI has spent a billion dollars to develop new facial recognition technology. Though they admit the technology is still flawed because it can't recognize Bruce Jenner.
A Michigan man tried to throw a football filled with drugs into a state prison yard. He's been charged with illegal procedure and forced to back up 10 yards.
Rob Ford has endorsed his brother's bid for Mayor of Toronto, saying that "Toronto needs Doug Ford as Mayor." After hearing this, political experts say that Rob Ford must be smoking crack.
This week Apple released instructions on how to remove U2's new album from users' iPhones. The instructions include taking the phone and fumbling it into a toilet.
Gerald Depardieu says that he sometimes drinks 14 bottles of wine a day. "Game on!" said Kathy Lee and Hoda.
Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are reportedly getting divorced. The couple is separating based on "irreconcilable songwriting".
The Ferguson police officer who shot Michael Brown testified before a grand jury. Though it was difficult to understand his words through the riot control mask.
Bill Clinton encouraged Scottish voters to vote "No" on Thursday's referendum for independence from Britain. He also encouraged them to cheat on Britain with Belgium.
University of Pennsylvania was voted #1 party school. The vote was conducted by Yeah Right! Magazine.
Doctors treating an Ebola patient say that eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream may have cured him. Because the diabetes forced them to amputate his whole body.
A life-sized statue of Amy Winehouse was unveiled in London. Though shortly after the unveiling the statue was taken to rehab.
Two inmates escaped last Saturday night from a detention facility in New Jersey. Officials believe the inmates waited until prison security guards became distracted by themselves in the mirror.
Last Sunday "The Star Spangled Banner" turned 200 years old. "Welcome to the club," said Larry King.
According to a recent study, wind turbines kill fewer birds than cats. Which might explain any cats disguised as wind turbines.
A new study claims that American waistlines are increasing, especially in women. The study was conducted by men after their weddings.
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