27 Jokes Looking For A Home

"The Voice" star Cee Lo Green has been charged with one felony count of furnishing a controlled substance. His arms could not reach for comment.

A new study says that women are better at multi-tasking than men. For instance, women are better at putting on makeup while running late.

A new study reveals that candy flavored cigars are popular among kids. Also popular amongst kids: candy flavored ANYTHING.

The Obama administration said that it will give Americans who buy health insurance online an extra six weeks to obtain coverage. Which means the Obamacare website has seen its shadow.

A company in Brazil has created a mascot to promote testicular cancer awareness named Mr. Balls. Which sounds better than the mascot created in America, named Lance Armstrong.

President Obama reportedly called French President Francois Hollande to discuss alleged spying by the NSA on 70 million French citizens. Though Obama said the only suspicious activity found was one French guy actually using deodorant.

This week, Apple unveiled the new iPad Air. It's called the "Air" because after you buy one that's what's left in your wallet.

A Mexican druglord was gunned down by assassins dressed up as clowns. Witnesses described watching them all getaway in one really tiny car.

Clint Eastwood's estranged wife Dina says she's trying to rid her house of Clint's negative energy. She says the first step is to remove all of the chairs he used to talk to.

In a recent interview, Katy Perry says that "You can be the person who is standing in the way of your own success". Or in her case, the person standing in the way of her own breasts.

An American brewery has released a beer called "Dallas Blonde" that they say "goes down easy". And as expected, it's the only beer at the bar that men actually buy drinks for.

The Huffington Post reported this week that one of the most popular baby names right now is Sasha-- after Sasha Obama. While one of the least popular names right now is Healthcare.gov.

A new study suggests that spanking your children could lead to their bad behavior later in life. In other words, Billy Ray Cyrus must've spanked Miley with a foam finger.

John McCain is reportedly considering a run for re-election to the Senate. He's expected to be a popular choice amongst the key demographic of Caucasian zombies.

It came out this week that Starbucks charges 50% more for their drinks in China. So now China is beating America in the only advantage we had left: overcharging for coffee.

Dolly Parton was involved in a minor car accident this week. Of course anything seems minor when compared to her chest.

On Monday, a woman standing behind President Obama nearly passed out while the President spoke about the Affordable Care Act. Though the woman later admitted she was just working on her impression of the Obamacare website.

A columnist stirred up controversy by implying that Tiger Woods has cheated in multiple golf tournaments. When reached for comment, Woods said he'd never cheated while playing golf, but definitely before and after.

Lady Gaga has released a new duet with R Kelly called "Do What U Want". And in the music video Gaga is dressed as a urinal while R. Kelly is dressed as R. Kelly.

Dick Cheney said yesterday that he thinks the Tea Party is a positive influence on the Republican Party. It's similar to how his gun is a positive influence on other peoples' bullet wounds.

A math Professor at the University of Iowa accidentally emailed her students a homemade sex tape instead of the answer to a question. As a result, students' fathers say they can't wait for the next parent/teacher conferences.

This week in Los Angeles, a woman give birth inside a Barnes & Noble. The birth was made extra difficult because it happened in the "Self Help" section.

The new WikiLeaks movie "The Fifth Estate" flopped at the box office. The numbers were so bad that even WikiLeaks refuses to release them.

This week in New York, two men robbed a Whole Foods at gunpoint. It marks the first Whole Foods robbery that didn't involve a cashier checking out a customer.

Kanye West rented out a baseball stadium in order to propose to Kim Kardashian. And as expected, Kim had no problem snagging two foul balls.

Bob Barker has donated almost a million dollars to an animal sanctuary so it could transport 3 elephants from a zoo in Canada. Though as soon as the elephants arrived they were spayed or neutered.

Scientists have discovered that women's breasts age faster than the rest of their bodies. Though in the eyes of most men they never get old.