Friday, October 11, 2013

Book Jokes From Book'd in Burbank


Last night I had the honor of entertaining LA's literary community with some book-themed humor. Below is a link to the event page and the topical two-liners I wrote for the show.



A completely bookless library has opened in Texas. It’s called the ranch of George W. Bush.
 
DC Comics says Batwoman can't get married because "heroes shouldn't have happy personal lives". In other words, DC Comics doesn't understand how marriage really works.
A new study reveals that more than 60 per cent of people have lied about reading classic novels to seem more intelligent. While the other 40 per cent try to seem more intelligent by hiding their copy of Twilight.
A Hunger Games-themed summer camp that culminates in a tournament where children simulate fighting to the "death" has opened in Florida. Even more disturbing, the camp's head counselor is George Zimmerman.
A new J.D. Salinger biography claims that he had only one testicle. Though most believe his second testicle was just really reclusive.
Following Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, Oxford Dictionary’s next update will include the word “twerk”. The update will also include the word “Miley” as a synonym for skank.

A new study has found that fans of romance novels are more capable of reading subtle facial cues. Of cats.
The chairman of Barnes & Noble says that he's dropped plans to buy the company’s 695 bookstores. Though experts believe he's just going to find them for a better price on Amazon.
Rush Limbaugh is coming out with a childrens' book about the true story of Thanksgiving. SPOILER ALERT: Squanto helps the pilgrims survive by teaching them how to bash Obamacare.
And finally, Marcella Hazan, author of bestselling cookbooks that brought Italian food to America, has died. She’s survived by the Olive Garden.


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