jokes

During Halloween celebrations on the "Today" show, Matt Lauer dressed as Pamela Anderson in "Baywatch". Then he had the person dressed as David Hasselhoff fired.

Google claims that their self-driving cars are now safer than any human driver. While Bing claims their self-driving cars are definitely not being pulled out of a ditch right now.

The Jonas Brothers announced that they have officially broken up. Officials say the cause is "uncreative differences".

Astronomers have discovered a planet that's just like Earth, except thousands of degrees hotter. And Al Gore says it's because no one there drives an electric car.

Kim Kardashian says that giving birth was "the easiest thing ever." Then she thanked her doctors for getting it all done in one take.

Snooki claims that JWoww is responsible for gay marriage becoming legal in New Jersey. While New Jersey claims that they're both the reason for legalized abortion.

A woman in North Dakota was criticized this week when she decided to hand out letters instead of candy to obese children. As a result, the obese children now have paper cuts on their tongues.

The emergency manager running Detroit testified Monday that the city's finances were "shocking." He said finances were so bad that he could only pay the gas bill after visiting a Coinstar.

In China, a man who was having trouble finding a girlfriend cut off his own penis. Which actually helped him find a new girlfriend: Lorena Bobbitt.

Dell has offered to replace laptops that smell like cat urine. Unfortunately the offer is to replace them with litter boxes.

According to a recent poll, 11 percent of California drivers admit to engaging in sexual activity while driving. More specifically, they admit that the most common sex act is getting bent over by traffic.