Sunday, December 23, 2012

This week in jokes - 12/22/2012 edition

It was a tough week to wring comedy from the headlines, given that the news cycle was consumed by the Sandy Hook tragedy. Even Conan O'Brien bypassed a traditional monologue on Monday, admitting that, "I came into work today and the last thing I wanted to do was comb through the newspaper and find something funny."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/18/conan-obrien-addresses-connecticut-sandy-hook-shooting-opening-monologue-video_n_2323073.html

So the quantity of this week's jokes is a little light, but fear not--the quality is still the same low-brow brand of funny you've come to expect from this site! Here goes:

The yacht of Apple founder Steve Jobs has been impounded due to an unpaid bill to its designer. In other words, the designer is the first person in line for Apple's new iOU.
 
Facebook says it's testing a service that will charge users to guarantee that messages they send to people they're not connected to arrive in users' inboxes. Or as everyone else calls it, email.
 
The Iowa Supreme Court ruled on Friday that employers in the state can legally fire workers they find too sexy. Although since it's Iowa, zero people are at risk of being fired.
 
A black Ohio man has settled his federal civil rights lawsuit against a Burger King franchise where he claims a white employee spit on his Whopper Jr. Burger King says that this wasn't a race issue, because all customers' food is spat in equally.
 
In China, Apple sold more than 2 million iPhone 5s just three days after its launch. Even more impressive was how 2 million Chinese waited in one single file line.
 
New York City is home to the new National Museum of Mathematics. Or as Americans call it, a big, scary building without a Starbucks.

New York City is home to the new National Museum of Mathematics. New Yorkers have celebrated the museum the only way they know how: by showing up to take a number two.

The new National Museum of Mathematics has opened in New York City. And by most Americans' math, the museum should expect to make zero dollars.

Ashton Kutcher filed for divorce from actress wife Demi Moore on Friday in Los Angeles, following more than a year of separation. Kutcher, 34, cited irreconcilable differences in age.

A group of Americans has started a petition to deport Piers Morgan over his strong stance on gun control. Although if they want to keep Morgan away from Americans, they should leave him on CNN.



 

 

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