Sunday, December 9, 2012

Week of October 20th

October 16th was National Boss's Day. It's a day Mitt Romney celebrates by letting employees go home early and forever.

It's been reported that after being pulled from the lineup of a recent New York Yankees playoff game, Alex Rodriguez was seen flirting with women in the stands. But because he'd been benched, Rodriguez couldn't even get to first base.

R. Kelly is releasing a new installment of “Trapped in the Closet” on the day after Thanksgiving. He says it's the perfect gift for that special person you love to pee on.

"The Voice" coach Christina Aguilera admitted on "Chelsea Lately" that she doesn't like to wear underwear. Said underwear, "The feeling is mutual."

"The Voice" coach Christina Aguilera admitted on "Chelsea Lately" that she doesn't like to wear underwear. Said underwear, "That's ok because we don't like wearing Christina Aguilera."

"Newsweek" will stop making its print edition at the end of the year and become a digital-only publication. Which means now people in waiting rooms will have to pretend to read "Newsweek" on iPads.

"Newsweek" will stop making its print edition at the end of the year and become a digital-only publication. It's part of Newsweek's "stay just behind the curve" business plan.

A new study finds that women being exposed to semen can help fight depression. Also, men being exposed to semen can help fight boredom.

A new study finds that women being exposed to semen can help fight depression. Which explains why the world's least depressed woman is Kim Kardashian.

After the release of a report that shows Lance Armstrong used banned drugs, the embattled cyclist has been dropped by Nike. Which confirms that when Nike says "Just Do It", they don't mean steroids.

Sylvia Kristel, arguably the first adult film star, has died this week at the age of 60. Kristel's service is closed to the public but will later be made available on grainy VHS.

Last weekend Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham married his model girlfriend. Wedding pictures reveal that she is indeed a model, of an actual girlfriend.

Bruce Springsteen is campaigning for President Obama in Ohio. In reaction to this, Donald Trump now demands to see the birth certificate of "Born in the USA".

The NFL announced that Beyonce will perform at halftime of this year's Super Bowl. It marks the first time the losing team will have to watch the winners AND the halftime performer "put a ring on it".

Octomom Nadya Suleman made an appearance at a drag show in New York. To be fair, the only drag was Suleman's vagina across the floor.

Octomom Nadya Suleman made an appearance at a drag show in New York. To be fair, the show didn't become a drag until her vagina fell out of her pants.

Taylor Swift says that her new song "Everything Has Changed" was written while she was on a trampoline. Experts say Swift misused the trampoline, because it's supposed to break your leg and not your heart.

A new study has shown that germs attach themselves to dropped food immediately, proving the five-second rule is a myth. "Whatever" said everyone in college.

On Thursday Mitt Romney cancelled a scheduled appearance on "The View". It's the first appointment Romney's had with women that wasn't binding.

No comments:

Post a Comment