Cesar Milan, star of the hit cable series "The Dog Whisperer", has revealed that two years ago he attempted suicide. He said he reconsidered the attempt after a dog barked him down from the ledge.
Police in Belize are seeking John McAfee, the founder of McAfee anti-virus software, in connection to a murder case. It'll mark the first time that people don't ignore a McAfee pop-up.
Hostess, the maker of Twinkies, has announced that they've been forced to go out of business. Because unfortunately the government only bails out automakers and not diabetes makers.
Blackberry has announced a new model of their smartphone to be released in January 2013. So instead of losing weight, the most popular New Year's resolution will be losing the new Blackberry.
On Thursday, President Obama held a screening of "Lincoln" at the White House. When asked for a review, Joe Biden said he couldn't believe the film totally skipped Lincoln's historic victory over vampires.
A theatre chain will reward movie goers who don't text by giving them a digital coupon to a future movie. Customers are so excited that they can't stop texting the offer to friends during movies.
Guy Fieri said the NY Times writer who wrote the harsh review of his new restaurant came in with "an agenda". And on that agenda was his insurance card and emergency contact.
Paul McCartney barely avoided disaster earlier this year when a helicopter he was in almost crashed. McCartney says a mechanical problem was to blame and totally not Yoko Ono.
This week Lindsay Lohan discovered she has a half-sister. Experts proved the woman is only a half-sister because she drives on the right half of the road.
Jay-Z and Coldplay will perform a concert together on New Year's Eve. Officials say it's quickly become the hottest ticket to ring in the new apocalypse.
Jay-Z and Coldplay will perform a concert together on New Year's Eve. Sources say many special guests are expected to join them including the Mayans.
Steven Sinofsky, a Microsoft executive in charge of the new windows, quit shorty after the software's new release. When asked for comment, Microsoft was frozen.
An investigative report found that Ikea used forced prison labor in the 1980s. Which proves that escaping prison is the only thing more difficult that assembling Ikea furniture.
It's been announced that a play based on the NY Yankees will be produced on Broadway. The play is expected to have Broadway's biggest budget but still be a disappointment.
This year the Postal Service posted a record net loss of $15.9 billion. On the bright side, the Postal Service creditors have been assured that the "check is in the mail".
Pepsi Japan has launched a new line of soda that it claims blocks the body's absorption of fat. Unfortunately for Pepsi, common sense blocks the body's absorption of Pepsi's bullshit.
Astronomers have discovered an "orphan" planet wandering alone without a parent star. They've named the planet "Snooki's baby".
A group of Papa John's customers have filed a class action lawsuit against the pizza corporation for unsolicited text messages. Even worse, is that the texts contained lewd pics of Papa John's pepperoni.
Five Harvard students used a high-priced weather balloon to launch a hamburger into space. The experiment marks the first time a sandwich has gotten higher than a college student.
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