Week of October 10th

Kellogg has recalled roughly 282,000 cases of Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal due to the potential presence of "flexible metal mesh." The recall was so Kellogg can change the box to say "Frosted Mini-Wheats: Now with 8000% More Iron!"

President Obama is the winner of 7-11's "Coffee Cup Contest", where customers pick a cup to match the candidate they support. In other words, poor people are less willing to be burned by Romney.

A Papa John’s deliveryman in South Carolina refused to give up his pizzas after being attacked by a robber with a stun gun. Papa John's rewarded the brave deliveryman with a two dollar tip.

Howard Scott, who developed the long-playing vinyl LP, has died at the age of 92. His family plans to scatter his remains at a yard sale.

Howard Scott, who developed the long-playing vinyl LP, has died at the age of 92. His cause of death is unknown, though most suspect it's from using needles.

Earlier this week Felix Baumgartner's attempt to skydive from the edge of space back to Earth was delayed. He's trying to break the freefall record set by Obama's poll numbers after the first presidential debate.

Buzz Aldrin will make a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory. Neil Armstrong must be rolling over in his orbit.

Buzz Aldrin will make a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory. Now he's part of two conspiracy theories: that the moon landing was fake, and that The Big Bang Theory is funny.

Jennifer Aniston has become part owner of and spokesperson for a hair care company. Wait--the hair care company has just left her to move in with Angelina Jolie.

In a new book, Jay-Z says Kurt Cobain temporarily stopped hip-hop from expanding. Because he chose to make new music instead of just sampling old music.

The makers of Twinkies have filed a plan to help them get through bankruptcy. And like Twinkies, the plan won't expire for thirty years.

The makers of Twinkies have filed a plan to help them get through bankruptcy. The plan involves a lot of crying and binge eating Twinkies.

CBS’s “Made in Jersey” is the first canceled show of the fall season. And soon New Jersey finds out if it's the first state canceled of the fall season.

CBS’s “Made in Jersey” is the first canceled show of the fall season. In New Jersey, the fall always comes after eight shots of vodka.

Lindsey Lohan said she is voting for Romney. But she misunderstood Mitt when he said he likes "tie one on", not knowing he meant his dog to the roof of his car.

President Obama is the winner of 7-11's "Coffee Cup Contest", where customers pick a cup to match the candidate they support. However, 7-11 reports most of the Obama cups are already being used outside the store by people asking for change.

Researchers have discovered that Justin Bieber is related to both Avril Lavigne and Celine Dion. They're not related by blood, but by a marriage of bad sounds.

Vinny from “Jersey Shore” is currently on a college speaking tour. It marks the first time that "Vinny from Jersey Shore" and "college" have been used in the same sentence.

Vinny from “Jersey Shore” is currently on a college speaking tour. At each tour stop Vinny speaks while someone translates it into english.

Vinny from “Jersey Shore” is currently on a college speaking tour. Even college students have been like "that guy is way too drunk".

In November Ke$ha will release an autobiography. Readers who download the electronic version will be advised to use virus protection.

A Pennsylvania man attempted to rob a bank for $1. The U.S. job market is so bad that even criminals are accepting lesser pay.

A Pennsylvania man attempted to rob a bank for $1. A teller thwarted the man by charging him a minimum balance fee.

A Papa John’s deliveryman in South Carolina refused to give up his pizzas after being attacked by a robber. However, the robber still got away with free breadsticks.

A Papa John’s deliveryman in South Carolina refused to give up his pizzas after being attacked by a robber with a stun gun. The suspect is considered armed and gluttonous.

Thursday was National Coming Out Day. Or as Tom Cruise and John Travolta call it, National Still Staying In Day.

At a recent concert, Lady Gaga vomited onstage. Officials say she became sick from eating a piece of undercooked dress.

Hulk Hogan's sex tape has leaked online. It's the only match he's been a part of that ends with him not wearing the belt.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are looking to buy a mansion together in Miami. Or as the E! Network is calling it, location scouting.