Week of October 27th

A new study show seventy-eight percent of Americans have read at least one book in the previous 12 months. Unfortunately that one book is the Cheesecake Factory menu.

Colorado Republicans filed an elections complaint claiming that Democrats offered college students free pizza in exchange for voting. Early Colorado returns show Mitt Romney down eight percentage points to pepperoni.

Colorado Republicans filed an elections complaint claiming that Democrats offered college students free pizza in exchange for voting. Election officials are already reporting problems counting ballots due to hanging cheese.

Denny's has introduced a new "Hobbit" menu. Denny's servers will honor the theme by dressing up as they normally do.

Researchers at the National Marine Mammal Foundation have found a white whale capable of imitating human speech. They first reported hearing the whale say, "I'm Chris Christie, FEED ME!"

An Arby's manager was fired recently for violating company policy by fleeing an attempted robbery at the restaurant. Arby's company policy states that the only people allowed to flee their restaurants are customers.

At a rally for President Barack Obama, Katy Perry wore a tight white dress imprinted like a ballot. Male attendees said if that's what the real ballots look like, they'll need an extra ten minutes in the voting booth.

At a rally for President Barack Obama, Katy Perry wore a tight white dress imprinted like a ballot. Perry says the dress is one of a kind, and the only ballot that needs a bouncer to remove hanging Chads.

CBS ordered a new family sitcom called " Smells Like Teen Spirit". CBS executives say it'll be the first network show where no one knows the actual words.

President Obama did a live Q&A on MTV on Friday. Most of the questions focused on his plan to create more jobs for The Jersey Shore. A

fter spending two years on the lam in the Tampa Bay area, a wild rhesus macaque monkey was found by Florida Fish and Wildlife. The monkey surrendered so it could audition for NBC sitcom roles.

A ski resort in Vermont will feature a gondola powered entirely by cow manure. It's also the first resort in the country to feature runs designated as Brown Diamond.

Conservative author Ann Coulter made headlines after calling President Obama a "retard." An appalled Joe Biden called the remark, "Completely wrong, because that's my title."

A Republican candidate for Senate in Indiana says that a pregnancy resulting from rape is a "gift from God." God responded, "It's still more thoughtful than giving a woman a gift card."

Rihanna says that she hasn't been on a date in almost two years. Even more unbelievable, she's been on Chris Brown's neck for almost two months.